Tackling fussy eating in toddlers: Why it happens and what you can do

Before we begin I must start with a very clear disclaimer - I am not a nutritionist, I am not a dietitian and I am not a medical professional. My thoughts and opinions on toddler mealtimes are based on my knowledge and experience of toddler development. Throughout this blog, I’ll be sharing information and tips about typically developing toddlers who have no medical issues such as poor weight gain or any kind of deficiencies. I’ll also be referring to fussy eating, which does not include children with diagnosed feeding issues. If you have any concerns about your toddler’s food intake, growth or health please consult the appropriate medical professional. 

There are generally two reasons for toddlers becoming fussy eaters. The first is behavioural/emotional and the second is biological. We’ll go into both reasons and look at some tips to overcome these challenges. 

The first reason for toddlers’ mealtime fussiness is that toddlers are in the business of seeking control in as many parts of their daily life as possible. And mealtimes are no exception. They seek this control by pushing boundaries, saying ‘no!’ and making very specific, often irrational requests. All of this is accompanied by a lot of drama and theatrics. It usually starts with “I want the blue bowl not the green one!” and turns into “I want pasta for dinner!” when you’ve worked hard on a nutritiously balanced meal. Refusing meals is commonplace for toddlers, and any well meaning parent does what comes naturally. You offer them an alternative. When they turn their nose up at what you’ve prepared, you worry about them going to bed hungry, or missing out on important nutrients so you think “well better they eat peanut butter toast for dinner than nothing!” and so begins your job as restaurant manager. Taking orders, catering to their very specific needs and changing the menu on a dime. This is when normal toddler fussiness becomes a problem, because you are inadvertently reinforcing their irrational requests.

So what are you supposed to do when faced with the harshest toddler critic who refuses to eat your food? Here are some tips:

“This is what’s on the menu tonight” is the go to phrase when they ask for something else. You obviously need to make sure that you’ve prepared something that is reasonable to expect them to eat, always including a ‘preferred’ item on the menu. If you start offering an alternative meal, this will become the norm and you’ve now set a precedent that when mummy brings over my meal, I ask for something else.

This might seem contradictory to the point above, but it actually works in tandem with the above point. From when babies start solids, it’s helpful to always offer them a ‘sweet’ course of either yoghurt or fruit. This isn’t given on the condition of them eating/finishing their main meal, but rather as a consistent addition to the meal. Make a habit of offering yoghurt (with the addition of Lil' Nibbles Super Sprinkles!)/fruit as a second course regardless of how much your toddler has eaten. This way, when they refuse the meal or eat only one bite, you know that they might go for the second course which gives you peace of mind that they’re not going to bed hungry. But since it’s a consistent offering of ONLY fruit/yoghurt and not open access to the whole kitchen, you’re not giving in to their meal refusal, but rather diffusing the tension as you can relax knowing they’re eating something on offer. I generally advise keeping the main meal at the table while serving the second course as once your toddler gets started on their second course they may very well start to go back and forth between the main meal and second course. 

The second reason is actually biological and or evolutionary which is that a toddler’s taste palate changes during the toddler years which means that they experience tastes and textures in a different way than they did as babies and in a different way as they will as adults. This obviously doesn’t apply to all toddlers but it is a common thread. So if your baby used to love eating brussel sprouts but suddenly gags at the sight of them, this is why! A lot of vegetables have a natural bitter taste which becomes more exaggerated during the toddler years. This is also why toddlers sometimes like to dip their veggies into tomato sauce because it masks the bitter taste. I often think about how simply I used to eat as a child, and now I enjoy a varied and nutritious diet so there is always hope! 

From an evolutionary perspective, this is the age where they start to become suspicious about their food as in cave-man times they would need to examine their food carefully to determine if it was poisonous or safe to eat. You might notice your toddler examining their pasta to pick out the small pieces of onion they can spy, or crying in disgust at the sprinkling of herbs on top of their pizza.

Here are some tips to overcome this challenge:

If your toddler points out the little bits in a meal that they don’t like, encourage them to remove the bits themselves. Even touching them to remove them is helpful in preventing long term fussiness. You can also encourage them to come up with suggestions about how to make a meal more palatable such as sprinkling cheese, sesame seeds, salt or tomato sauce on top. 

When your toddler says they don’t want those evil broccoli to even exist on their plate, give them a ‘no thank you plate’ to put the broccoli onto. That way they’re still there for exposure and again, you’re encouraging your toddler to problem solve their mealtime issues rather than flat out refusing.

I know you might be stressed about your child’s nutrition when all they exist on is snacks, pasta and toast but remember that this is completely normal. If you want to try and sneakily incorporate more nutrient dense ingredients into your toddlers food without them realising I have two pieces of advice for you. The first is good luck, because toddlers are exceptional detectives and it’s very hard to hide veggies in their food without them seeing. And if they see it, they will lose trust with you because they’ll always be suspicious about what you’re serving them. So if you’re going to do it, do it well. The second piece of advice is that alongside the hidden veggies (or if you’re going to skip hiding the veggies), serve veggies/other non-preferred foods without any pressure to eat them. Model eating them yourself, encourage playfulness with the foods, or ask your toddler to serve you some of the veggie frittata muffins onto your plate. Toddlers need to be consistently exposed to non-preferred foods in order for them to eventually try and then accept these foods.

Navigating toddler mealtimes can be one of the most frustrating—and confusing—parts of parenting. But it helps to remember that much of what we call “fussy eating” is actually a normal part of toddler development, driven by a need for control and changing biological responses to food. By maintaining clear boundaries, offering consistent routines, and creating a low-pressure environment around meals, you can help your toddler build a healthy relationship with food. Remember: you’re not running a restaurant, and your job isn’t to convince them to eat every bite—it’s to provide a variety of foods and a calm, supportive atmosphere. With time, patience, and trust in the process, your toddler’s mealtime behaviour will mature, and those dramatic dinner stand-offs will eventually become a thing of the past.

Written by Jenna Nathan

Toddler specialist

Find more information about Jenna on her instagram page https://www.instagram.com/toddlers.by.jenna